Headaches and Broken Hearts
by PennyStarling17
Summary: Or 5 times Sherlock revealed his heart and the one time he wished he hadn't cared as much as he did.


(A fair warning: This is not a happy story).

-It has often been said that Sherlock Holmes does not have a heart. I can assure you that that this statement is very untrue.

He has a heart, one he protects carefully and refuses to show to anyone, except a select few.

Let me show you:

1. Mummy. [Sherlock is five]

Careful fingers held a five year old's greatest creation, a replica of the human heart made of clay and paint.

A young Sherlock smiled brightly as he followed his elder brother home after a tiring day at school. Mycroft's smile said he knew exactly what the heart was for and when Sherlock glared at him and demanded that he remain quiet about seeing it, he merely mimed locking his lips and placing the key in his pocket.

As soon as they arrived home, Sherlock raced off to find the recipient of his carefully crafted gift.

"Mummy! Mummy where are you?" his small voice called out.

"In here, darling," Viola Holmes responded as she stepped out of her library.

Sherlock stopped in front of her and brought out the heart from where he had hidden it behind his back.

He offered it to her, a shy smile on his face.

"Happy mother's day, mummy. I made this for you in science class."

Viola's face lit up with a beautiful smile as she accepted the heart from her son.

"Oh Sherlock," she breathed. "It's beautiful."

She kissed his forehead as he beamed up at her.

"I love you, Mummy."

2. Lestrade [Sherlock is 27].

Sherlock frowned as he entered Lestrade's office, narrowed eyes taking in the DI's wife. He waits until she leaves before bluntly telling him that his wife is sleeping around. Lestrade yells at him and tells him to leave.

It's two weeks before Lestrade calls him. He only says "You were right." before hanging up.

Sherlock doesn't bring it up the next time he see him.

[Sherlock is 31].

"She's cheating on you with a gym teacher."

Sherlock ignored John's disapproving glare and watched from the corner of his eye as he put it together. Lestrade rolled his eyes and sighed, but nodded at Sherlock when they locked eyes.

(It took a while for Sherlock to admit to Lestrade why his crass comment hadn't been meant to hurt him. It's only after Sherlock gets high again and Lestrade finds him that he tell him about his father, how he cheated on his mother, how he had wanted to spare him the pain that came with discovering it on his own, the way Sherlock had. Lestrade doesn't say anything, but the look in his eye says he understands.)

3. Mycroft [Sherlock is 3].

"Myc!" Sherlock held up his arms up and gave his brother his best puppy eyes as he stepped out of his shoes. "Up!"

Mycroft let out a put off sigh as he lifted his brother up.

"What is it Sherlock?" he asked.

Sherlock tightened his arms around his neck and smiled at his brother. "Nothing, Myc. I missed you."

Mycroft's lips lifted in a reluctant smile. "I was just at school, you saw me a few hours ago."

Sherlock's lower lip pushed out in a pout. "I still missed you," he said, sullenly.

Mycroft rolled his eyes but pressed a quick kiss to his brother's temple. "I missed you too."

[Sherlock is 31].

"All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock."

4. Mrs. Hudson [Sherlock is 32].

It was with a silent fury that Sherlock took out the moronic CIA agent and a careful hand that he checked on Mrs. Hudson.

"Oh, Sherlock," she smiled. "Thank you."

Sherlock offered her a small smile and helped her get back to her flat.

All was right on Baker Street again, Mrs. Hudson was safe.

And 5. John [Sherlock is 32].

"Keep your eyes fixed on me!"

"Alright. Alright."

"This-uh-this call. It's my note. That's what people do, isn't it? Leave a note?"

"Leave a note when, Sherlock?"

Sherlock closed his eyes briefly before offering a quiet, "Goodbye, John."

"Sher- SHERLOCK!"

He jumped and hoped with everything he had that it would be enough.

-We all know that Sherlock survived the jump. We may not know how he did, but we know survived.

However, John Watson was not privy to this information.

For three years, John waded through his rather unextraordinary life as Sherlock tore down Moriarty's web.

Sherlock survived by keeping his hope of one day returning to 221B Baker Street and John.

John had nothing to hang on to, nothing to hope for.

When Sherlock did return, he was an hour too late.

(A fair warning: I told you this would not be a happy story. A story rarely is when there is a suicide involved.)

Entering Baker Street was a great relief to Sherlock, who immediantely raced up the steps to 221B.

He opened the door.

He stopped.

He fell forward to his knees.

And he screamed.

"JOHN!"

...

A gun was pried from still warm fingers.

A hand was carded through blood soaked hair.

He checked the chamber and raised the gun.

He sighed.

_ I'm home John. _

_ I'm sorry I had to leave._

_ I love you._

Bang.

"A suicide kills two people. That's what it's for." -Arthur Miller


End file.
